Patagonia penguins sent letter by Denmark warning them not to migrate there

A colony of Patagonia Penguins amassed on a beach in argentina were shocked to find letters from the Danish ministry of integration on telling them they would not be welcome in Denmark. The letters, stuck on the back of dolphins swimming around those areas, told Patagonia Penguins that though they were nice little creatures Denmark would rather they not try to emigrate there.  Should they cross 11,000 kms of sea and then hitchhike all the way to the Nordic countries the letter told the penguins that they should consider going to Sweden , or finland  instead, saying they were “much , much better, trust us.”

The Danish government has highlighted new policies , and mechanisms meant to discourage Patagonia penguins  from migrating there, such as the launch of a year long Patagonia Penguin hunting season and a free donut offered to anyone able to shoot down ten penguins. Potential penguin refugees are told it can take up to ten years for penguins to obtain their own rocks in Denmark and  Penguins are required to learn Danish amongst other things. Welfare benefits for penguins are also hard to come by and most of the money for housing has gone to Labradors. 

“We were properly miffed. We thought this sort of thing only happened to African thrushes,” said a patagonian penguin.

Another penguin mused,“Obviously we didn’t know where Denmark was but now that we are told we cant go there  anymore it makes us really sad . We must clearly have missed out on something major .”

Danish Government officials contacted explained that due the large flow of migratory cats , and American reality tv shows, assailing the county it was no longer in a position to welcome anymore penguins should they decide to start migrating there. The government is thought to be preparing a separate campaign aimed at Sierra Mackerels.

When asked about Denmark’s  efforts to stop them from becoming refugees a Sierra Mackerel from a shoal somewhere in the pacific replied via it’s twitter feed:

“From me to you, when last have you ever heard anyone say : oh I want to go to Denmark and live a full life and enjoy myself? I’ll tell you: Not never.”

According to some immigration experts, “ Denmark’s move might actually have the contrary effect. It seems as though by telling people ,who did not know it existed, not to go to it , it has sort of sparked the curiosity of a number of would be refugees who suddenly want to know what it is about this country  wondering why they are being dissuaded from travelling to a country they had never even heard about. In the end it sort of ends up being a tourism pitch. Sort of an “Oh I’m so great that I don’t want you to come here but I actually really want you to come” pitch. I know a group of Congolese Armadillo’s who have decided to chance it and make the trip. Some Chicken Turtles I know are also hoping to make the journey soon as they shake off this.”

“I thought Denmark was a type of donut to be honest, but now all I can think about is going to Denmark. I mean it must be quite important if it goes out of it’s way to introduce itself to me and then tell me I shouldn’t migrate there.” Says a  penguin who chose to remain anonymous because it had travel plans travelling plans..